I was told that "they (the S/Os have to be given information slowly, in small doses, so they can absorb it at a rate that they can handles, so as not to hurt them."I always thought that was a cop-out; as I asked in my essay Tell her The Truth, "are you protecting her, or yourself?"
In a recent Dear Abby, a transgender woman -- that transitioned several years ago -- was struggling with her shifting sexual attraction, and asking for help.
It would seem to me that while one is undergoing gender dysphoria and exploring life choices (coming out as transgender, whether it be transsexual, cross-dresser, gender queer or even just gender curious, is still a life alteration that will impact all parties), the s/o has a right to know what you're confronted with, what you're feeling and thinking, because it impacts their life too.
Many tell me that "I can't tell her, because I don't understand it myself." To those I say, tell them that: that you don't know. Because the true "I don't know" is better than a misleading manipulative stream of information that you control for an intended outcome.