My first encounter with this phenomenon was within the gay community, when I'd enter a gay club and they'd look at me sand say, "hmm, you're one of those." What was surprising though was how that progressed. For me, my apporach was always light humor. That doesn't mean telling jokes -- though humr can be a great defuser --, it is more about not taking myself too serious: not being offended but an ignorant assessment by someone who doesn't know me. After the passing of time however, I ended up befriending many of these 'haters.'
In the Gay Bar Survival Guide I talk about knowing your surroundings. Whether its a gaybar, straight bar, or public place, you have to understand your audience, the people you'll be encountering. All the while, I always maintatained that The Words of Others don't define me, and in that thought is where I always found my balance. When reason failed, I'd use humor.
It always helps to stand on solid ground: to know yourself what you know, what you don't what is myth and what is true.
The things we deal with everyday are the same things everyone else deals with. For us, we tend to wrap it up under the guise of how we're dressed, but the fundamental question "Who am I?" is something every person has to face at some point in their life -- maybe about gender, maybe about career, and the expectations people have about those things.
Here is an interesting speech on how to "flip it."